Tuesday 11 June 2013

Please Don't Shush Me

As most know, I am on my journey to becoming a certified Doula through DONA International.  As part of the requirements, among other things, I need to be a doula for three births.  While I was at my last birth, everything was going very well.  Mom was labouring, everyone was working as a team and the baby was born happy and healthy.  Mom, dad and baby are now doing great.  At our last postpartum  meeting, I had asked the family if there was anything that I did that I could have done better or had a different approach.  I am always looking for feedback from the families that I work with because I feel that not only is that the best way for me to outline best practices for future families but also it gives the families a chance to voice if I have helped them meet their expectations of the birth.  The mom said something that reminded me how important it is to create an open dialogue.  She said that during the labor, there where a few times that I had "shushed" her.  Not in the way that you are trying to tell someone to be quiet, but in the way of comfort.  She explained to me that in her head she was saying " DON'T SHUSH ME!" but was not able to express herself verbally because she was concentrated on the task at hand, giving birth.  After some discussion she understood that I was not trying to make her be quiet, but to comfort her.  Women in labor can go inward to find the strength that they need and anything that would distract them from that could make some of her birth experience a negative one.  In this case, it was an isolated moment of shushdom and the birth went well, and I am glad that the mom shared this with me.

If you have a child that is crying or even an adult for that matter, some of us have the natural tendency to shush to help bring comfort.  I have 3 kids and I know that without even thinking about it I would shush shush shush while bouncing up and down until I was blue in the face to try to calm them down.  It is one of those things as parents that we develop and use.  It may not be a shush for all of us.  It could be a hmmmmm or an ahhhhhhh or whatever sound that comes out of you when you have children.

What I came away with is a deeper understanding of a couple of things.  Women in labor are working.  Everyone aroud them are trying to be as supportive as possible in helping her through the birth but the reality is, the doula, partner, OB or midwife are not doing the work.  We are present and empathetic, but really just caring and knowledgable bystanders.  I also wondered if other people in the birth comunity really ask for the feedback from the families that they work with.  Each birth is a new experience and will also give you the skills to help the next family.  Learning along the way makes us, as birth people, better at what we do.

Thank you to the family for letting me share this story and I look forward to many births on my drive down the doula highway. ( or is it a country back road?)